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Wounded Survivor

This morning while walking my dog, praying and talking to God, this dropped in my spirit….

Some of you are wounded and only surviving because you’re going through the robotic motions. 

At that moment I begin to see people bleeding out and still trying to operate through their daily functions. Basically going through their life as a Robot only operating by life’s command. Whatever was presented they accepted it and kept going. It was an acceptance of defeat!

I then prayed and ask God not to allow me to go through robotic motions. I do not want to experience my life accepting everything thrown at me, not doing anything about it, and still attempting to navigate through my familiar routine. I will not live my life as a desensitized robot.

A robot can only do what it’s told to do. It can only function based upon the commands its operator/master has given. It has no feelings or own thought process. You basically push a programmed button and it goes. Goes without questioning or fighting back and that’s exactly what we expect it to do.

Until there’s a malfunction or breakdown…..

That’s where some of us are right now or have been before. We have allowed things in our lives to put us in a Robotic mode. We no longer have feelings, we’re numb and just going through life with our same daily routine.

I began to think of people I know, including myself, that have been bleeding out and still operating at one time or another. If you be honest with yourself, some of you right now are just going through the motions without taking time to process life. You’ve allowed life hardships to overwhelm you to the point where it’s drowning you. You have succumbed to life’s oppositions.

My prayer for you today is that you will stop allowing other things that is meant to throw you off course to command your life. You have given away your power and you need to take back your authority. Fight back!! You don’t have to accept everything that you’re faced with.  Life has a way of sometimes bringing you to a low point, but what you do with that low point will affect you one way or another. Get out of the mindset of just going through the motions and start surviving.

Even though we all know what survive means, here is a little reminder:

Survive– continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship.

You may be wounded, but you will SURVIVE!!

With Love,

Candidly Charmaine

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Breaking The Cycle of Being STUCK

What does it mean to be stuck?

How many times have we heard someone say or have said ourselves the things we “used to be” and “used to do”?

How many times have we been guilty of getting stuck in those “used to be” moments?

“I remember when I used to be a size 4.” “I remember when my business was booming.” Or “ This is the way we used to do it.”

I can go on and on, but I want to know what are you doing NOW? What changes are you making to surpass the past? Nothing is wrong with reflecting on memories and accomplishments, however do not get stuck in those moments.

Sometimes we can be so consumed with our past that we lose focus on our present and future. I’m sure we all know someone who is stuck on what it was, instead of looking at what it is. There’s always new levels to reach and conquer. Let’s not abandon our hopes and dreams by looking back on our “used to be”.

I took the time to look up the definition of stuck and three meanings really grabbed my attention.

  1. Be or become fixed or jammed in one place as a result of an obstruction.
  2. Remain in a static condition; fail to progress.
  3. Be or remain in a specified place or situation, typically one perceived as tedious or unpleasant.

You may one day find yourself in a “stuck” situation. Your career is stuck. Your ministry or outreach is stuck. Your relationship is stuck. Your finances are stuck and so on. And you’re constantly looking back at what it “used to be”. Your past has now obstructed your view on the things which lies ahead.

You have now become:

Stagnant – not moving forward

Toxic – your past thoughts have become poisonous to your future

Unsure – you have no idea of what’s next

Confused – thinking it was better in the past.

Kidnap – “used to be” is now holding hostage “what it can be”.

In our lives there should always be some type of movement happening. If you’re not moving, you have become a victim of being stuck. Even if you have to take a step back in order to move forward, that is still progression. The main goal is to continue to flow. Flow like the rivers that are always going somewhere. A Continuous FLOW!!

In order to make progress from your “stuck” place, your perception has to change. You can no longer view yourself as the person you were 5, 10 or 20 years ago. What may have worked for you then may not necessarily work now. We all have heard that things get better with time. As time passes, we should be looking for more ways to grow. A reflection should only be that, but never a stopping point.

Challenge yourself from this day forward that you will continue to flow. Your latter days will be greater than your former.

With love,

Candidly Charmaine

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Hear Me Roar…1 year Later

I did a photo shoot last month to mark my year of being divorced. It wasn’t meant as a celebration, but as a moment to truly free myself from my past and “Free” myself to move on.

I will admit as easy as it may have looked to some people, I truly had moments of being slightly depressed. Getting divorced in a spotlight has to be one of the worst ways to do it. I constantly had people who I didn’t know approach me, my family and friends inquiring about my marriage. I never understood the benefit of people wanting to know details of a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with them.

I went through a time where I wanted everything to S T O P.

Stop asking me questions, stop sending me pictures, stop telling me your opinions and what you thought you knew, and above all stop pretending.

It was overwhelming and I just wanted to go back to my life before it all happened. I’d stopped going to church even though that has been my foundation since birth. I had lost faith not really in my beliefs, but because of my experiences by the “church”. The times that I would attend services, I would go where no one knew me. I wanted to be lost in the crowd.

I questioned God a lot. Why would you allow me to experience this…..again?! Yes, some people know and many don’t. I’ve been married and divorced twice. No, I don’t promote nor celebrate divorces, but sometimes it happens. Furthermore, it’s public record so oh well!

The first time should’ve never happened. I married my best friend of 7 years at the age of 21. I grew up in a family where living with a man and not being married wasn’t condoned so I always tried to walk the straight line when it came to relationships. Long story short, being young without wisdom ended that shortly.

This time around, I wanted it to be different and it was. I’d never fought so hard in any previous relationship I had been in and it still ended. I love so hard that I will suffer or often neglect my needs just to make things work. This was when I began to question everything.

I questioned why I was raised a certain way. Why do I have to live up to certain standards? Why can’t I just be like other people who doesn’t care about doing things in a traditional way? I felt like the pressure of being a pastor’s kid and now a former pastor’s wife was too much.

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As time went on, I began to go through a journey of healing. I sought counseling and did a lot of venting. Thank God for the people that He placed in my life who can look past all of my mess. I met some new friends who didn’t know me as anything else but Charmaine. I was free to be me and it felt great!!

Now dating, that’s a whole new post. I will say that I won’t curve as many men in 2018 like I did in 2017 lol. I just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and I would let that be known. However, it’s a new day and almost a new year.

I’m ready!!

With love,

Candidly Charmaine

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Repeat Offender

Disclaimer: This was inspired by love, myself, and the men and women I know who tried it. We all have a type that may or may not work in our favor. However, if we stop putting calculations on love we might see beyond the box that we try to fit it in.


I repetitiously find myself making the wrong choices for love.

I Am a repeat offender of love.

I choose the same role only with a different character. Always trying to save someone only to be let down again.

I’ve tried this love thing a time or two…. naw more like three. No, I don’t have a “type” but at the end I’m always lonely.

I gave him all of my youth now I’m trying to reverse the arms on the clock yet they still won’t stop.

I loved her and opened my heart, still from what she did I don’t know how to restart.

Side piece who? Not me. But giving my heart to the wrong person….constantly.

Why don’t I choose the one who really works hard for me? Yea right, I’d rather go for the one who loves themselves selfishly.

He has this hold on me that won’t let me go or is it the soul ties that is causing this lust to grow.

I know I can love again. I really want to try, but bad judgements always leads to “goodbyes”

Chasing the fun, chasing the thrill. Months later everything is at a stand still.

A repeat offender of love Am I.

Why haven’t I learned the lesson yet? “Girl, he’s this.” “Bro, she’s that.” Then again, if I learn to keep my mouth closed maybe I wouldn’t be down this road.

I’m a lover on a failed mission. I’m a vulture searching for my next prey.

Wait, maybe I should pray and this time it’ll stay.

She’s light skin with a butt; he’s fine with a beard, but that chocolate is always in.

Maybe if I slow down and take time to focus on me. They said love should happen naturally.

No, I want it now! All I see is everyone else enjoying each others smiles.

Look at that new thing she’s flaunting, that should be me. Hold up! I’m tripping, next time I’ll just choose more carefully.

Had I read all the signs and didn’t ignore the red flags this would be different. It’s true that everything happens for a reason, but at the expense of my heart it shouldn’t.

I will now take ownership for the choices that I made. It’s not them it’s me. I keep offending love repetitiously.

With Love,

Candidly Charmaine

 

C H O O S E  W I S E L Y

 

 

 

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Who has Labeled You?

co24Label: a short word or phrase descriptive of a person, group, intellectual movement, etc.

Female, Daughter, Sister, Twin, PK (preacher’s kid), Woman of God, Bestfriend, Girlfriend, Lover, Woman, Wife, Step-mother, First Lady, EX….Divorced, Single

Short, thick, skinny (at one time), beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, stuck up, admirable, down to earth, rude, honest, charming, no filter, understanding, loving, supportive, trustworthy, loyal, go-getter, independent, strong, stubborn, breath of fresh air, “brings the party”, misunderstood….

These have been just a few labels that have been placed on me. I have often questioned why and under whose authority. Who gave people the right to label me?

When we get ready to purchase something, we look on the inside of clothing or on the outside of an item to see what it’s made of. We study and think about what it entails to decide if it’s the best thing for us.

The label helps you make the best “educated guess”, but sometimes the label is wrong. The “fit” doesn’t work, it doesn’t cure the symptoms that you possess, the reviews are bad/ mixed, etc.

The “label” is simply the perception of someone else.

How many times have you bought something and had to return it because the “label” wasn’t fit to your needs? You didn’t have the proper tools needed; you really liked it, but it just didn’t work.

You never really know the ability or the performance unless YOU try it out for yourself. I’ve always been one to make my own decisions about someone or something according to their actions towards me. Basing your opinion solely off others is a disservice to yourself.

Have you ever questioned why someone was labeled? Was it because they stood for something that others would fall for? Was it because everything that the label suggested that sounded good turned out to be a defective product? Or the infamous label “they’re jealous and hating!”

I can go on and on with labels, but at the end of the day labels will make you feel two things. Good or bad! It’s just simple as that.

The way to overcome all of the labels is to be true to thine own self. The perception of others IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM!! If you’re constantly worried about the labels that have been placed on you, you will find yourself always worried about what others think, what you do, or what you say. WHERE’S THE FUN IN THAT?

Listen, I have allowed labels to control me at one time in my life. I was told because of the position I was in that I should “tone things down.” I was taught as a child in a Christian home with parents who are Pastors that we have to hold ourselves in a different manner than others. I couldn’t listen to certain types of music or watch some things on TV or go to certain parties. The judgement of others and the labels THEY placed on what they thought a pastor’s kid should or shouldn’t do taunted me.

When I became a teenager, I found myself questioning these labels that were involuntarily placed on my life. When I reached adulthood, I began to resent some of those labels because I realized they were unfair. Every phase of my life that I have looked back over I find myself missing out on so much just because of a LABEL!!!

Your life is about the choices that you have made. Whether you decided to stand firm or give in, the labels that others have placed on you are irrelevant! I guarantee you, while you’re worried about those labels the same people are living their life. So why not live yours?

Again, who gave people the right to label me? Who gave people the right to label you? Since when have you decided to allow labels to dictate your life? Make the choice today that labels will no longer control you.

Free yourself from the perception of others and drop all of the labels!

 

With Love,

Candidly Charmaine

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Welcome to 34!

This is the post excerpt.

Welcome to Chapter 34 🤗🤸🏽‍♀️🎉!! Wow ….. it feels so liberating to say that!
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I am truly blessed to witness this day. This day feels so different than any previous birthdays. I know who I am, I know what I want, I know what I like and dislike.

I have lived my life in a bubble for so long. Protecting my inner space from past hurts and those who wish to attach themselves only for their personal gain.

I am N O T that person anymore. I believe the only way I can be free is to be real with myself. In turn, my transparency will be freeing to others.

There’s so much more to life than what you see. I’ve been told by many that I have no filter. At first, I used to take offense because others would try to shape me through their eyes.

Then I realized it was only a censorship to manipulate instead of providing wisdom. I don’t want anyone else to tell my story as you should want the same.

With that being said…I’m happy to announce a new venture that I’m starting.

🌸🌺Candidly Charmaine 🌺🌸

This will be a blog that goes beyond my personal inspirations. I’m digging into life applications that everyone has experienced or at least know someone who has.

Relationships, Spirituality, Health, Wealth and a little fashion tips here and there.

There’s so much that I want to share with you!! Please be on the look out for future posts!!

Me First

How many times have you been pulled so many different directions that you forgot your starting point? You constantly find yourself rushing to others and tending to their needs only to later look back and find your life has completely unraveled.

As a kid we’re taught the valuable lesson of sharing. You had to share your toys,  your candy, games, basketball, dolls, etc. Anything that someone else wanted to use or have that belonged to YOU, you were told to share it. We were taught this way to instill the behavior of not being selfish. Although this is a necessity trait that’s needed in daily life, it was the beginning  which started the mindset of giving up a piece of yourself to others.

Think about it. If you’re constantly giving a piece of you away, how can you ever be whole?

I can’t help but to think of the many times that I have unselfishly given myself to people, my career, others dreams, and different projects. Furthermore, giving myself to those who were underserving of my time. I would sometimes focus so much on others and their issues that it would cause me to put myself on the backburner. One day I found myself no longer knowing who I was and had forgotten about all of the things that made me happy. I had put on weight, was overwhelmed and lived a predictable life. You can give so much of yourself that you become depleted.

From that moment I decided to become selfish! 

Yes, we were taught that being selfish was a bad thing and I still believe part of that to be true. However, there needs to be a balance of being selfish. That’s simply apart of self-care and self-love. How can you always be there for others if you don’t take care of you first? Sometimes the Super Hero needs to be saved.

Many times people ask me why do I always seem so happy and have a “glow” about me. Trust me, my life is far from everything I desire. I still have many things to personally work on and sometimes I feel like my life is a complete mess. However, I decided to take small steps for the betterment of myself.

A few things I do for self care are:

  • Remove myself from negative people and situations. These are vultures who only want to take from you and suck the life out of you. I don’t care if I’ve known someone since childhood, if they’re negative…they’re draining me.
  • Taking time alone to know what I truly love and do it. I remember when I wanted to go to the movies and had no one to go with. I was kind of nervous thinking I would stick out as being “the girl who’s at the movies by herself”, but I conquered  it and truly enjoyed it. I’m making it a habit now.
  • Pampering myself and enjoying the moment. Like most, I’m the type of person who loves to be massaged. I also love getting my eyebrows waxed and tweezed because the plucking is relaxing to me as well (don’t judge me). Lol
  • Knowing my limits and saying “no”. Yes, it may hurt the receiving party, but it’s going to hurt me more if I crash.
  • Spending time with family and friends. Both are equally important and a major part of my life that brings me joy. They’re my safe haven to be totally vulnerable and restored.
  • Praying while taking in beautiful sceneries. Something about trees, greenery and water does it for me. Hearing and becoming one with nature brings peace and is my element.
  • Picking up new hobbies, reading books, learning and trying new things, traveling and food pretty much sums the rest up.

I want to challenge you to take some time out for yourself. Start pouring into you just as much as you do for others. In life we should have a balance of giving to ourselves and exploring the things that we love. You don’t want to be the person who never took time out to care for yourself.

Remember your starting point when you were the young child who immediately said “mine!” My life, my time, my peace, and my happiness.

In order for us to give out, we have to give within.